Best Practice

Banter or bullying? Eight signs to look out for

Anti-Bullying Pupil wellbeing Mental health Pastoral issues PSHE
When a student says their behaviour is ‘just banter’ how can you be sure? Ahead of Anti-Bullying Week, Martha Evans considers cues to look out for when deciding if banter has crossed the line

We often hear young people defend hurtful behaviours as “just banter” in order to mask bullying actions. Distinguishing between bullying and banter has been a topic of some discussion for years.

The Anti-Bullying Alliance (ABA) is eager to address this issue and during this year's Anti-Bullying Week – the theme of which is Make a Noise About Bullying – we want to encourage an open discussion about how we can spot the difference between banter and bullying.

Early in my career, I encountered this dilemma during a training session for volunteer sports coaches. I posed the question: “What is the difference between bullying and banter?”

The room fell silent until one confident voice at the back said: “If I call you a bad name when I don't know you that's bullying. But if I call my mate here – he glanced at his friend, who appeared somewhat uncomfortable – a fat xxxx then that's banter because he's my mate.”

As a relatively inexperienced trainer, I faced a choice: should I challenge his statement and potentially prolong his friend's embarrassment, or should I move on and ignore it? Regrettably, I chose the latter. But this incident has stayed with me, and I've replayed what I should have said many times since.

What I should have said is this: Regardless of whether you thought it was a joke between friends, you turned it into a public event without considering the context or the feelings of those involved. Context is crucial in determining if an incident is banter or bullying.

Children often claim “it was just banter” when confronted about their behaviour so it is essential to help them understand the context.

Here are eight elements to consider when understanding the context of interactions between young people and deciding if it is acceptable banter between friends or bullying.

  1. The topic: Topics that are sensitive, personal, appearance-based, or which involve offensive language are often inappropriate to make jokes about. If this is the case, it is probably not banter.
  2. The relationship with the person: Banter is more likely to be received positively by people or friendship groups you know and are close to.
  3. Where the banter is happening: If the banter happens in more public settings or includes individuals beyond a friendship group, then this is more likely to be perceived as bullying. This is because of the potential loss of control of information. If more people hear the banter, they may repeat it in future or join in.
  4. Whether the banter is repeated: If the banter is repeated many times, then it may stop being funny.
  5. The intent behind the banter: Is the intent to cause harm, discomfort, social division/exclusion, or public embarrassment? We often use verbal and physical cues to signal intent.
  6. The size of the audience: As a group’s size increases the acceptability of banter may decrease. Different social groups (e.g. close friends, family members) may have different values and rules, meaning that banter could be interpreted differently.
  7. The reactions of the target: If the person receiving the banter feels uncomfortable, regardless of the initial intent, it may be perceived as bullying.
  8. Interpreting the online world: In some cases, the meaning of our wording online and use of emojis, memes and gifs, can be ambiguous or may be used to try to pass bullying behaviour off as banter. Remember too that the verbal and physical cues mentioned in point 5 may be harder to understand in the online world.

Let us continue this important conversation during Anti-Bullying Week (November 13 to 17) and help children distinguish between banter and bullying.

Anti-Bullying Week is coordinated in England, Wales, and Northern Ireland by the Anti-Bullying Alliance, and is expected to reach three-quarters of schools and more than 7.5 million children.

Martha Evans is director of the Anti-Bullying Alliance, the organisers of Anti-Bullying Week. Visit https://anti-bullyingalliance.org.uk/anti-bullying-week and download the free school packs via https://tinyurl.com/5vracw4u. You can find out more via social media by searching for #AntiBullyingWeek and #MakeANoise. Find Martha’s previous articles and podcast appearances for SecEd via www.sec-ed.co.uk/authors/martha-evans